Reading the parable of the prodigal son gives me an assurance of the great love of God. But there are just times when I rather ignore this love of God and I fall into doing against his will. It seems like I sometimes become the wayward son. But when I am awakened from my slumber, I come to realize how fool I had been. I should have expected to receive retaliation and punishment from God but the opposite thing happened, I felt loved by the Lord most dearly. I had really a hard time to go into repentance, but on the other hand the happiness is very much incomparable similar to the restoration of the fellowship of the son with his father. The attitude of the father in the story is so encouraging that no one would be hesitant to draw nearer to him despite sinfulness.
Although I can associate myself with the younger son, I am more inclined to reflect on the situation of the elder one. The situation of the younger son appears to me as so exaggerated. I said to myself that I have not committed sin as great as his. Looking further to what I said, I come to realize that I am susceptible to self-righteousness as what the character of the elder son projects in the story. There is a sense of jealousy or envy seeing upon a person receiving honor even if that one has done more wrong. But I have to change this perspective as I have learned from the parable to have a welcoming attitude. Despite the unbecoming attitude of the elder son, the father did not scold him but rather the father loving explained to him the reasons for welcoming the younger son. Further reflection leads me to discover the graciousness of the father during the span of time spent by the elder son with his father.
It is rather easy for me to recognize the love of God when I experienced forgiveness than to appreciate his love in the ordinary experiences. Ordinary events could just be trivial compared to the unusual, but God’s love is still present in the ordinary. There are also times that God’s love seems missing but later on it appears to be so marvelous.
When my father died, I thought God’s love for me had faltered and he already neglected me. I thought He did not listen to my prayers and it added much to my grief at the loss of my father. Thus, to pray more and more at that time was so heavy for me. I did not abandon my faith, but my heart could tell how it was so difficult to believe in a God whom I thought did not love me anymore. But thanks to God’s grace, I was able to recover my faith although it took me more than a year to discover the wisdom of that event.
By the death of my father I found out how we are loved by our neighbors. I was able to encounter and appreciate people who are willing to extend a hand to those who suffer. I was able also to stand on my own and act as head of our family. There was really the hand of God working in that event but I did not recognize it immediately. My senses were covered with my misconceptions that I was not able to see the great love of God.
In seeking to understand the vulnerability of my faith, I tried to examine what was my perception of God. Since my childhood I was told that God is the Creator who provided everything. It was easy for me to understand this view because I had a father who is a good provider. Later on I learned and thought that God punishes our wrongdoings. As a child I had no difficulty of grasping this notion because I usually received punishment from my mother whenever I committed wrong. My mother then gave me a number of whips while I was kneeling and afterwards ordered me to ask forgiveness from God orally. This experience shaped my perceptions which now I found to be an obstacle to the image of a liberating and loving God.
I came from those insights which are somehow already imbedded in my subconscious. What I must to do today is to purify those insights as I continue to experience God’s love working in me and in others. Now I see God as loving and he invites me to live in that love. Although there are moments when this love becomes obscure, but I have to build a strong conviction that in due time I will see the wisdom of his love. Or even if I will not see I believe that God loves me more than what I can comprehend.
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